The days ahead will be awkward

I knew i should have never dated a friend. its one thing to lose a friend, its another to still have to see them every single fucking day, and act normal around them. the days to come are going to suck. how am i going to act around her? i can plan all i want, but all the planing in the world still cannot foresee what will really happen. will i go back to being someone whos just really quite? and what about the people i hang out with? their the exact same people she hangs out with too. this will be interesting to see what happens, yet i kinda dont really want to find out the prospects. i think the last time i will ever talk to her will be when i ask for my jacket back. then after that, i will probably never talk to her again. i guess you could say we would be strangers again. but how am i suppose to act when i do talk to her for the final time? what if she tries to make small talk? do i just act like nothing ever happened? do i act cold towards her and give her bear minimal reply? i mean, after all thats happened, no one can really expect me to be fine. and i dont expect anyone to care, let alone her. so even if i do give her an honest answer, she cant do shit. i havent decided what to do yet, but i still have a few days to think it over. i have a feeling that i will most likely be cold, and if she does talk to me, to ask a simple question like how am i, i think my reply will be " i'm okay". then i would just walk away. but as much as i would like to put on a mask for her, i have never been very good at hiding my emotions to people, so it would just be a blatant lie and the biggest give away would be my emotions on my face.i just hope i get overwhelmed with emotions and let my eyes tear up. shes the only girl i have ever cried over, cause she was just that special. i will never let it happen again, and im not gonna fall apart anymore then i already have. cause a liar isnt worth this emotions. besides, what good is there just breaking down or feeling sorry for myself anymore? it aint gonna change anything. so i just keep telling myself, " fuck the lying bitch, shes not worth it". she gave me all these bullshit reasons, and i'm not gonna take it anymore. she will never understand how difficult it was for me, and she never tried to understand. she said she was sad that things had gotten so bad, but she was the one pushing me away, and i only just tried harder to get back. how can you say you love someone then you dont bother helping them? she left when i needed her help the most. thats just not someone i need around me, especially if they have my heart, cause all they'd do is break it. fuck it, fuck her. never thought it would come down to this, but i just cant seem to take it anymore. she used to wonder why i was like this. maybe if she looked around her and herself then she would understand the bullshit i have to deal with everyday. fuck it. seriously just fuck it and fuck her that lying bitch.