A part of me is missing

I dont know. something just doesnt feel the same about me. i dont know what it is. but it just feels that way. like a part of me is just gone or lost. these emotions are all not wanted right now. i just feel so lost. life and love cant be like this to me right now. i was getting over her and yet now why has it all suddenly come back? what triggered this sudden change? from my past experiences, i think i just want to be friends again. i dont know if i still love her. but she still has a place in my heart, like i promised, she was special to me. she was a good friend. but i guess the treatment she showed me in the start was a bit biased cos she loved me. even if we were friends now, i know we arent gonna be close or even good friends anymore. that thought is kinda sad, but theres nothing i can do about it. or is there? i dont know. in the past, whenever things like this happen to me, the girl always ends up telling my friends that i seem to be the one avoiding her. maybe it is the case. maybe i do subconsciously avoid the person that hurt me, or in these cases, break my heart. i dont know why i do it, but its just something i have noticed. i do miss talking to her, but what good is talking now? i will never be able to talk to her like i used to. and the girl i once knew would have just been a memory. it kinda already is a memory to me. its been so long since we spoke. a whole term has gone by with not a single real conversation. she used to put a smile on my face. even since the first day that i met her. and before all the feelings. getting a message from her every morning without fail. she kept me company for the boring two hour ride to school everyday and she kept me company during school. maybe i just wish for a message from her, out of the blue. i know its a long shot but who knows. i dont even know how im going to react if it does happen. i guess i should stop hoping, cos not everyone is the same. i most likely am nothing to her anymore and i will have to accept the fact and move on. forget her completely. the only problem is that, im not one to forget friends. so what am i to do?