A random post.

Its been roughly 4 months since then. in all honesty, i dont think ive fully gotten over her yet. i think i still do love her. but its not the same as the past. and during these 4 months, i met someone new. she stole my heart within 4 days, and i have only ever talked to her once. i havent seen her in a month and yet i still think about her. now there are two in my heart. i know the old one shouldnt be there but she aint leaving. i feel so extremely mind fucked. i know it shouldnt be this way. but i cant seem to forget the past. i still do think about the past, the feelings we once shared and the moments we spent together. theres a war going inside of my heart. and im suppose to act like as if im fine and that everything is good. but in reality, only one person actually knows how i feel. that person is the same person that i met her through. things have definitively changed within these 4 months. i think i am generally a lot happier but i still aint that happy. i mean how can i be, when my heart is making me so confused and the words she spoke to me 4 months ago still ringing fresh in my mind and heart? i think what i need is just to talk to her. but i guess talking is too late. i dont know if she still reads this blog. i highly doubt it. i mean, she no longer has any reason to. to her, im probably just the same person i was at the start of poly, a stranger. that though is quite sad. a bit like the wong fu productions short called strangers again. i always feared that. but in reality, it happens to everyone. i miss her. and i cant tell her that.  she'd probably get the wrong idea anyway. i need help, but no one seems to be able to provide what i need. and i guess i dont even know what help i need, so how can you find something when you dont know what your looking for. whats there left now? can me and her still be friends? who knows. maybe i just dont want to know the answer to that just yet. all i know is that i miss her and i just want one normal conversation with her. sadly though, i know that aint gonna happen.