i really wonder

I wonder, why does she think it is so easy for me to move on. maybe to her, the moments that we made together, those happy memories, meant nothing. but they meant a lot to me. i wouldnt have kissed her if i didnt think that we could have been something. she used to say, " i wish i could give you more," but in my mind, all i was thinking " its not about what you can provide, but more about what i an do for you, because i love you." or at least i loved her. i wouldnt have done half the things that i did with her if i thought we werent going anywhere. she never had to let me do half the things that she let me do. all that was just icing on the cake. even if she didnt let me do it, i would have still loved her just as much. its not about the physical, its was always about the emotions. there were a lot of conflicts in my head at that point in time, which is why i acted unusually. but she would never understand. i did try to tell her once, but it just caused us to fight. well i guess i just have to write all this down so that i could get it out of my mind. i mean, there really isnt anyone left to tell. who do i talk to about heartbreak, when the person who broke my heart is the person i would talk to about everything? i am slowly moving on, but i dont think i will be able to every talk to her for a while. and with the current facts, it just seems to me like she lied. i have so many emotions bottled up now. i'm angry, sad and puzzled right now. and all i want is just some closure. my first kiss meant a lot to me, and maybe she just doesnt understand that. maybe thats why she wonders why its hard for me to move on. well if she reads this, and that i know she wont anymore, this is why. all those times i stayed so late into the night with her in school and all those memories, all mean a lot to me. which is why its hard for me to move on.