Things that worry me

right now there are so many things on my mind. i dont know. sometimes her and i argue about things that seem somewhat meaningless. she likes to blame me for always making something out of nothing. but i mean, i would have to say im not the only one. i admit i do do that sometimes, but she does it equally the same. sometimes theres like no concern for how i feel about somethings. she likes to say she tires, and she does, but sometimes her solution to the problem just tries to accommodate everyones feelings equally and i, as her boyfriend, have no priority and i always feel that that doesnt solve the problem cos it comes off as she caring more about the problem causing persons feelings more then mine. so it brings us nowhere. she doesnt understand that. she also just doesnt get me sometimes. she likes to think that sometimes i act weirdly. but in all honesty its just a side of me that i dont show very often but its normal. but she'll think im upset. and then things will get worse. also if theres something that i didnt catch that she said, she'll always say nothing and not wanna tell me. but when i do that she gets angry. so like its hard to be okay with that. i still love her very much and i hope that these things dont bring us to the end unnecessarily.

the reason why i always feel bad

i never seem to make her happy. ive made her cry so many times, and everytime, it gets harder and harder to bare with. i just want to see her be happy. but i can never seem to achieve that. and because of that, i feel bad and that makes her feel bad too. i just focus on the negative too much. its not like i want to, i just do. all of this is my fault, and everytime we fight over this, i feel as though its slowly affecting both of us. i dont want it to, cause i dont want to lose some like her. i love her, and i want to marry her

i dont know how to feel

i really dont know how i feel about all of this. i want to just run away and forget about everything

Right now, i feel like a stranger to her

last night, we had a fight. well sort of. i dont really know what happened, but on the phone she had suddenly burst out into rage and hung up on me. now the next morning, she didnt bother to message me and she seems different towards me. i feel so much guilt for something i dont know that if i did. im no stranger to this feeling. i felt it for 2 years straight in secondary school, but that doesnt mean im used to it or numb to it. it still affects me to no ends. its so unlike her. and i dont know what to do.

the rule i seem to unwillingly live by. SIS

this problem. it will always bug me. and after consultation with my good friends, it seems like it is something that would bug most guys, so it isnt just me. but it just seems to be a problem that i have to deal with for her. i dont have any other choice. it will continue to bug me for a long time. im sure. but all i can do is SIS, suffer in silence.

Its still bothering me

The other day, my girlfriend and I were talking about her upcoming trip to Australia to meet her friends as it was on of their birthdays. then she asked me a single question that made me feel like shit, " what if she wants to go clubbing on her birthday? i thought you dont allow." that single sentence made me feel like shit beyond bounds. i never said i didnt allow her to do anything that she wanted. she just assumed this because i guess you could say im a bit "insecure", if you will, about my girls. i dont know. im just not used to all these somewhat normally meaningless gestures. i have a feeling that im uncomfortable with these gestures because i dont normally do them and i dont know, they seem to hold a certain value to me. these gestures are things i would normally only think of doing with my girlfriend, and when i see other guys doing it to my girl, like putting their hand around their shoulder for example, it annoys the hell out of me. i dont know why, but it just does. i dont want it to but what can i do? its not like i want it to. i would love it if it didnt. whats more is that she doesnt know how to react to such situations so then she just lets the person continue doing it, and it doesnt inspire much confidence in me. i know she will never cheat on me, and i do trust her. but either way, it still will annoy me. and with that, thats how she came to the conclusion that i didnt allow her to go clubbing. and even though that comment was made quite a few days ago, its still bugging me and i feel like a horrible controlling boyfriend, but thats not what i had meant to do. this sucks, and i feel horrible and lost as to what to do now. maybe im not cut out for this, and maybe she deserves someone better whos more open to these kinds of things, but i dont even want to think about that

maybe i'm not cut out for it yet.

I dont know. maybe im not cut out to be attached yet. I can never seem to make her happy, and we always seem to end up fighting. she always says that its her fault but i know shes just to kind to say its my fault cause i know it is. it hurts to know that i am always making her worried or sad or angry, and i dont mean to. i lover her so much and i just want her to be happy. but i dont know. i dont seem to be able to do that. maybe shes better off without me. so many things are running through my mind right now and i cant seem to put them all into words. I dont know what to feel about this, and i dont know what to do. i hate seeing her like this, and i need help. what do i do?