Broken. Inside and out

No words can describe how i feel right now. but i guess it doesnt matter when theres no one to listen to the words even if i did have them. i guess i really know what i am to her now. all i want is just for her to want to talk to me. Anyway if anyone has ever seen my phone, they would have seen that there is a word on it. Archangel. i need one to come and save me from this despair. the only reason why i didnt rush into things at the time is for this exact reason. i didnt want to be broken again. why did i even let her break me? i guess you could say i have a weak spot for girls. you can break someone, but when that person is broken, what he or she does defines who they are. right now, my mind and body are like two sides of a coin. they are so different yet they are the same thing. my mind is feeling hurt and broken, but anyone that sees me right now will think differently because my body is saying otherwise. being broken isnt a new feeling. i've been broken 2 other times. and this would make it the third time. i'm not distancing myself from her. shes the one thats doing it. always leaving halfway through the conversation and always seemingly avoiding me. why put the effort when the effort clearly isnt appreciated? i really need to just leave everyone i knew and just run away. why was i born into this life? is it just fate or a higher power or just bad luck? i always have bad luck, so maybe thats just the reason. whatever it is, i am broken and all i want is just someone to listen, help me and care for me. i dont think i'll last much longer. there was a time when i tricked her into thinking that i was leaving for good. and she didnt seem to care. what if i told her that it wasnt a lie? that i really was leaving for good? i dont think it will change anything. that thought just breaks me more inside