Day 4: the end

I things have definitely changed in these 4 days. i think i've somewhat moved. Don't get me wrong, i still love her. that wont change for a while. its not that easy for me to just stop loving someone. what i mean by moved on is that i have come to terms with the facts. i have a feeling i will eventually get jealous, but i'll hide it and never tell her, its not like she would like to know nor care about it. she told me that she may talk to once i'm better. i hope she hasnt forgotten and i'll be waiting for that message. honestly, i miss her a lot. and looking back at the past, at some of the things i did and didn't do, it was very foolish of me and she will just be the one that got away. there were reasons why i did and didn't do some of the things that i did. but it doesn't matter now cause it's sadly over and i don't think she cares about it anymore. i just hope that what we had was real, cause it was the best time of my life, but like what they always say, all good things have to come to an end. something i have felt too many times. since her and i could never be together, i just hope we can be close friends. i have always wanted a close girl friend who wasn't going to back stab me. and i really hope she appreciated all the effort i had put in, cause that was the most amount of effort i had ever put in and i dont think any other girls will get that amount of effort from me again. thats how much she meant to me. honestly i felt i had put everything on the line and risked it all for her. but sometimes everything just isnt good enough. i had risked my relationship with my parents and i had risked all the relations i had with a lot of people.  thankfully, none were lost, due to good cover up. sometimes i just wonder what we would have become if i had asked earlier and she said yes. i think we would have been amazing together. for once, a girl who i thought would have been good together with me. oh well, i just cant wait till i find another that will be good with me. i just want to thank her for all the good times and love she showed me, i just hope my future girlfriend will be as against the norm as her. i mean, how many guys can actually say that the girl they loved, made them a sandwich voluntarily, wrote them a love letter and also was the first to confess to the guy instead of the other way around? i like girls who have a backbone and know what they want. and she had fit in all those categories perfectly. i will miss the times, but i know i have to move on. i just want to say to her, thank you and even though i know you will never say it back, i love you and thanks for the love. i'll be waiting for the message