I'm sorry

I'm sorry. i know she doesnt like to hear it, but im sorry. i just dont wanna lose her. i dont like being like this. and it isnt easy to change. i'll get better eventually. but with all the change, its just really really  traumatizing. i hate change. and from being so close to suddenly just being nothing is very shocking and painful. i dont wanna lose her. and i dont wanna be nothing to her or be distanced from her