Sad little boy

Thats all I'll ever be. or at least thats what people have been telling me that is what i come across as. i dont deny it. i am a sad person. most would just say that im a pessimist, i say im a realist. and right now, things just dont seem good. they never do. I'm stressed, heartbroken and alone. the one thing that i've wanted the most in my life, i cant get. people just will never understand. i may be a guy, but all i want is just someone who loves me and i know i can rely on. i lost that person. and now i have to go back to being that sad person. i mean, what is there to be happy about for me? i seriously think im depressed. i find it extremely difficult to go to sleep, plus i wake up super early and i constantly just suddenly wake up in the middle of the night feeling like shit and not being able to go back to sleep. i never am happy. the only smile i give is a sad smile, so i dont hurt the person trying to make me happy. just cos im depressed, dosent mean that i have to make others feel like shit too,