Its hard

its hard to stay positive. i mean, take for example, every time i message her, it seems like im just wasting her time. so maybe i just wont anymore. i feel guilty about it, but i really really just wanna talk. and with my parents being this way, tell me how am i suppose to be positive. i will try. the day is coming soon. in about 5 hours. always hated it. and looks like this year, i will be "enjoying" it alone... damn. maybe i really should have just gotten myself a slice of cake and celebrated it myself. people wonder why i have so many things. well its cos i buy myself a present every year on that day, to make up for the fact that its just gonna be another shitty year. oh well. i will try to be positive. dont know how though