The pain of rejection and a message to her

Well the day finally came. when she told me she no longer loved me. All the things that we had been through together, in the end, amounted to nothing. the girl who i gave my first kiss to, no longer loves me. the familiar pain of rejection is coming back. the last time i was this serious about a girl, i didn't talk much for the next 6 months after she said no. i have a feeling this will last even longer. things would have been different. i know it would have. Shit never goes my way. and this is just one of the countless examples of how it isnt going my way. fuck life. They always say that there are many fish in the sea and that you will always find someone better. but what they dont understand is that there was a reason you fell in love with that person that is telling you to find someone else. you dont want anybody else cos you want that person! the pain is coming back now and i'll just have to deal with it. i dont really have a choice. all the things that i did for her, all weren't recognized by her. i'm a guy, and guys have feelings too. and for most, just finding the special someone is enough to make them happy. but losing that person, is just as painful as if a loved one died. they say when guys cry, they are serious about the person. well, im not afraid to say that i cried twice for this special girl. the second time being while i write this.i was hoping she would be the first person who would be mine. she always told me that i needed to be happier, but with this kind of news, how am i suppose to be? i have to see her with another guy while my heart aches  and slowly weeps inside. i was more serious about this then i ever told her. but she will never find out now then. does she seriously think that i would go through all the effort i put in for her, for every girl? she is the first girl who i have ever cried for. i didnt even cry when my first crush rejected me, and yet i cry twice for her. looks like this year will be another lonely birthday. and i will have to go back to putting on a fake smile for everyone. in all honesty, i was never happy till i met her. and i will go back to being sad now that shes gone. if people ever see me with a smile, its usually just a mascaraed that i put on. and thats what i will have to go back to. she will never truly know how i feel anymore. but like i said last time, you cant expect me to be fine, and i dont expect her to care. i just wished she did. but evidently not anymore. If she ever does read this, i just want to tell her that she will always have a place in my heart. and i will always love you. you always wanted to know what was on my mind. well, now you know. this has been on my mind since the start. this is what i was worried about. i have always been worried about losing you. there are many feelings i just cant express right now. theres just so much pain. i wish we could have been together because things would have been different. Salvatore, i know your not gonna say it back anymore but for the last time, i love you and i'm sorry for wasting your time.