Maybe this will answer some of her questions

She wants to know why I'm like this? well this is why. Since young, my parents have always been so harsh on me. Always getting scolded for the stupidest of things. and my parents just dont me to go move out and make my own money.they say my sister and i treat the house like a hotel. but if they havent realised, its their fault. when i was young, they have always been traveling and so i had to learn to be by myself. and all they do when they got back was just to scold me. wheres the fucking love? They just asked me where i wanted to go for my birthday dinner. i told them then they scolded me! WTF. If i really could, i would rather just celebrate my birthday by myself. why do i want someone to care about me? look at what i have been through! all i want is just someone to FUCKING CARE FOR ONCE. I just want someone to do what my parents were suppose to do and care about me. all they do is to fucking scold. if they havent noticed, why i;m always in my room is cause i'm fucking studying so that i can do well and make them proud of me. but if i do that then they tell me to spend more time with them. then i lose out and do badly then they get angry. what the fuck. if they fucking wanted to spend time with me, they should have done that when i actually had the time. but they dont realize that and just get angry. she said that i want a girl. YES I FUCKING DO. COS AT LEAST SHE WOULD CARE MORE ABOUT ME THEN MY STUPID PARENTS. some might say i'm not being good to my parents. but look at it from my point of view. im just trying to do well for them and all i get in return is disappointment and scolding. so why am i such a pessimist? cos i've had nothing good to look forward to when i go home. not a single caring person to come home to. and when i go to school, i just have to meet people who i dont click with. i'm just tired of being alone. 17 years of this shit is too long. i just want someone to care. i still remember that one birthday, when i was 5 or 6 years old. on my birthday my mum made me cry. not tears of joy. you call that caring? I want a girl to take away the pain. to just be my friend and to be my pillar of support. i can get all the A that i can in school but that will never be good enough for my parents. screw this. all of these factors have made me into the person that i am. one fucked up sad little boy. im sorry i make her sad. its all my fault. if she doesnt wanna stick around me anymore, i dont blame her. i'm sorry. i opened my heart out to her. but it only ended up with me ruining what we used to have. when she told me her first impression of me, a sad little boy, she wasnt wrong. i am sad. and all i want someone to really care a lot about me. why does she think my perfect dream is just to spend my birthday with my girlfriend? well its cos at least my girlfriend isnt gonna scream at me and i know that my girlfriend would care about me and love me and make that year a special one. i thought she could be the one. and that this year wouldnt have been so bad. but i guess not. now all i wish for is just one last movie with her. but after all thats happened, i dont have the guts to ask her cos its just mean. look at it this way. if someone asked you out, its just mean to say no and your kinda forcing that person to go. so i'm not gonna ask. cos theres no point forcing her since shes not in love with me anymore and theres no point for me to force her into it. cos i know that if i do, then she wont enjoy it and i would just be wasting my time. i wish she would go with me, but i think that this year will be another lonely one. i hope this answers her questions. and in the end, if she decides to leave, i dont blame her and i understand. i dont want just the friend kind of care. i want a loving care. but i guess its never gonna happen. i want her to go to the movies with me on my birthday. but i know she wont. I'm sorry im just so messed up. i hate myself for it. maybe to ease the pain, i'll just by myself a slice of cake and go to the park at midnight and just celebrate my birthday myself, like every year so far. at least i know i wont hurt myself